The Impatient Doctor

a list of reasons why one should not room with a mister sherlock holmes

Reason Nine:

Never expect Sherlock to understand emotions. When you’re drugged and hallucinating a massive hound ready to bat you around like a piñata at a party and you call him to come and help you: DON’T EXPECT THE HELP. All he’ll do is watch you freak out in a cage while he’s sitting eating biscuits and watching this all happen on CCTV.

Reason Eight:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

Never accept a beverage from Sherlock. Especially while on a case. Sometimes, just to test a theory, Sherlock will put science in front of your general well being. For example, putting possibly drugged sugar into a coffee he made for you. If Sherlock never normally does something, don’t just accept that he’s started doing it. HE’S DRUGGING YOU.

You’re being ridiculous. You make it seem as if I drug you for fun. It won’t happen again.

The fact that it did happen is reason enough to be wary.

I wouldn’t give you anything that would actually harm you.

You thought it was a drug that induced paranoia! I thought I was going to die a limb-tearing, painful death! I was terrified, Sherlock!

It wasn’t actually the sugar, so technically, it wasn’t my fault. And you were never in danger.

You still thought it was! And it doesn’t make it any less real than I thought it was. I was terrified, Sherlock. That I was going to be killed and possibly eaten. And even if it wasn’t actually in the sugar, the fact that it was you that made me so scared hurts. I thought I was going to die. And the only thing that stopped me from dying of fright right then was that you were coming to save me. 

That wasn’t my intention.

You’re lucky I like you, Sherlock. 

(via provingapoint-deactivated201301)

Reason Eight:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

Never accept a beverage from Sherlock. Especially while on a case. Sometimes, just to test a theory, Sherlock will put science in front of your general well being. For example, putting possibly drugged sugar into a coffee he made for you. If Sherlock never normally does something, don’t just accept that he’s started doing it. HE’S DRUGGING YOU.

You’re being ridiculous. You make it seem as if I drug you for fun. It won’t happen again.

The fact that it did happen is reason enough to be wary.

I wouldn’t give you anything that would actually harm you.

You thought it was a drug that induced paranoia! I thought I was going to die a limb-tearing, painful death! I was terrified, Sherlock!

It wasn’t actually the sugar, so technically, it wasn’t my fault. And you were never in danger.

You still thought it was! And it doesn’t make it any less real than I thought it was. I was terrified, Sherlock. That I was going to be killed and possibly eaten. And even if it wasn’t actually in the sugar, the fact that it was you that made me so scared hurts. I thought I was going to die. And the only thing that stopped me from dying of fright right then was that you were coming to save me. 

(via provingapoint-deactivated201301)

Reason Eight:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

Never accept a beverage from Sherlock. Especially while on a case. Sometimes, just to test a theory, Sherlock will put science in front of your general well being. For example, putting possibly drugged sugar into a coffee he made for you. If Sherlock never normally does something, don’t just accept that he’s started doing it. HE’S DRUGGING YOU.

You’re being ridiculous. You make it seem as if I drug you for fun. It won’t happen again.

The fact that it did happen is reason enough to be wary.

I wouldn’t give you anything that would actually harm you.

You thought it was a drug that induced paranoia! I thought I was going to die a limb-tearing, painful death! I was terrified, Sherlock!

(via provingapoint-deactivated201301)

Reason Eight:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

Never accept a beverage from Sherlock. Especially while on a case. Sometimes, just to test a theory, Sherlock will put science in front of your general well being. For example, putting possibly drugged sugar into a coffee he made for you. If Sherlock never normally does something, don’t just accept that he’s started doing it. HE’S DRUGGING YOU.

You’re being ridiculous. You make it seem as if I drug you for fun. It won’t happen again.

The fact that it did happen is reason enough to be wary.

(via provingapoint-deactivated201301)

Reason Eight:

Never accept a beverage from Sherlock. Especially while on a case. Sometimes, just to test a theory, Sherlock will put science in front of your general well being. For example, putting possibly drugged sugar into a coffee he made for you. If Sherlock never normally does something, don’t just accept that he’s started doing it. HE’S DRUGGING YOU.

Reason Seven:

Never let him get too comfortable with you. You will undoubtedly be lugging a laptop around while he sits at home in a sheet and Skypes the entire crime scene. And no, he is not wearing pants under that sheet.

Reason Six:

He plays the violin at three in the morning. Normally I have no problem with that, but when you hear Sherlock play, and I use play very lightly, it sounds like a cat trying to imitate an opera singer in the blender. My advice: burn the damn thing before he has a chance to mess up your eardrums. 

Reason Five:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

Never go out to eat with Sherlock, even as a friendly meeting. There is no doubt that someone will mistake your casual dining experience as a romantic date. Don’t even bother denying it - no one will believe you anyway.

This is no fault of my own. No one made such mistakes before.

Because no one could tolerate you for long enough periods of time to actually dine with you.

No luck tonight with Sarah tonight either, John?

That’s really none of your concern. But you should know. You always show up on my dates, I’m not surprised you know where we’re going before we even go there.

None of your dates have been very inventive thus far, John. They were nearly textbook dates. Did you get all your ideas from a women’s column?

What is wrong with my dates?

I don’t understand how you enjoy yourself on these dates. They are predictable from start to finish.

Well, what would you suggest, O King of Dating?

I would suggest you stop wasting your time.

With what? Dating?

Yes.

And how am I supposed to cope with you if I can’t…unwind with Sarah?

So you admit that Sarah is just a coping mechanism. Finally, progress!

I can think of her as both a release AND a lady friend that enjoys my company.

I can see why you don’t enjoy her company. She’s terribly dull.

You don’t have to like her. I’m dating her, not you.

Pick up some milk on your way home.

Yeah, yeah. I’ll pick up the damn milk.

(via provingapoint-deactivated201301)

Reason Five:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

provingapoint:

impatientdoctor:

Never go out to eat with Sherlock, even as a friendly meeting. There is no doubt that someone will mistake your casual dining experience as a romantic date. Don’t even bother denying it - no one will believe you anyway.

This is no fault of my own. No one made such mistakes before.

Because no one could tolerate you for long enough periods of time to actually dine with you.

No luck tonight with Sarah tonight either, John?

That’s really none of your concern. But you should know. You always show up on my dates, I’m not surprised you know where we’re going before we even go there.

None of your dates have been very inventive thus far, John. They were nearly textbook dates. Did you get all your ideas from a women’s column?

What is wrong with my dates?

I don’t understand how you enjoy yourself on these dates. They are predictable from start to finish.

Well, what would you suggest, O King of Dating?

I would suggest you stop wasting your time.

With what? Dating?

Yes.

And how am I supposed to cope with you if I can’t…unwind with Sarah?

So you admit that Sarah is just a coping mechanism. Finally, progress!

I can think of her as both a release AND a lady friend that enjoys my company.

I can see why you don’t enjoy her company. She’s terribly dull.

You don’t have to like her. I’m dating her, not you.

(via provingapoint-deactivated201301)